Sometimes I don't understand where these lyrics come from...I just write the first thing that comes.
So, I have a problem, and I'd like to discuss it with yall today. (And no it is not my use of the word yall...I LIKE that word) I'm just a girl who can't say no...but not in the way that chick from Oklahoma is singing about...well sort of...but not at all really. She's awful. I'm really upset you are comparing me to her right now. Stop it.
But honestly, I can't. I've done some soul searching and I've discovered why that is...but before I get there let me just demonstrate the level to which I have this problem.
A few Sundays ago one of the high council members in my parents' ward called me and asked me to speak with him at 1...no big deal my ward is at 11 I can do that. Just 10 minutes later I get a call from a second high council member who asks me if I'd like to speak at 11 with him that same day...okay...well I'm gonna have to miss my ward, find someone to lead the music for me, and write two talks in one week...but...sure.
When I came back from the mission I was SUPER blessed and basically had a job waiting for me at my dad's law firm. The only complication was that I kind of had a job waiting for me at the BYU ticket office as well...I had worked there for three years before my mission and in that office it's just kind of expected that after the mission you start working there again. It's seen as a courtesy...that they are saving you from months of job searching once you get home, which it is, if you don't already have another job. So when I got home from the mish and had emails and messages on our home phone from them wondering if I was coming back how could I say no?! They love me! I like being loved okay?? Get off my back! As the semester has passed I've had less and less time to spare and I really haven't had time to be working two jobs, but the idea of having to quit just terrifies me! I know it's a part of life and people do it all the time...it's even expected at these student jobs...but I just can't do it! Oh and whenever people there talk to me about how great it is to still have me working there I just smile and say, "I know! It's great I love it!" I AM SO FAKE! Why don't I just dye my hair platinum blond, put on 8 inch heels and start tanning? (I am currently scanning my brain for any friends who might read this who fit that description....no I think I'm good) Oh who am I kidding...no tanning bed is going to be able to tan this skin.
My GPA my freshman year is also a pretty good indicator of my weakness. I didn't say no to many things...other than studying and getting up early...that semester.
Dating. I won't go into specifics because I don't want to be mean...but I'd say 95% of the dates I've been on are directly related to this problem. That's a high percentage yall.
Latin/country dancing...a NIGHTMARE for people who don't like turning people down. Trust me.
My last example is a pretty big one...so I have this friend of mine and the other day we were just walking in the park and all of a sudden he knelt down and...he asked me to marry him!!! I said yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm engaged now guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (wow...writing those words physically hurt me) Mark your calendars for June 3rd! Okay...maybe some of that story was fabricated...maybe all of it...but a blog post with lies is ALWAYS more exciting than a blog post without lies. But I mean I'm sure at some point in my life I was walking through a park with a guy friend...and maybe his shoe laces were even untied so he had to kneel down...see?? The lies are disappearing before your eyes. But I lie not when I tell you that this is a legitimate fear of mine. Half of my dislike of the idea of having a boyfriend stems from the fact that I'm afraid that if he proposed to me I wouldn't be able to tell him no. (Notice how in my mind the thought has never even occurred to me that if he proposed I might actually WANT to say yes? Gives you a little insight into my opinion of love. Speaking of love...if you want to loose all faith in love just watch Becoming Jane...every time I watch that movie I end up screaming, "LOVE MEANS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD, ALL WE NEED IS MONEY," repeatedly at the TV until the neighbors complain about our "dog" making noise again.) Welp aaaaaaaaaaaannyyyyrate #hermanahansen hmm this blog seems to be revealing more of my problems than I had intended it too...did I mention that I'm writing this as I'm watching the remaining time I have to study for my Anatomy test slowly tick by...yep, another problem.
Although I will say that I don't ALWAYS have this problem...in some situations the word, "No" actually comes to my lips pretty quickly...like when I'm woken up in the middle of the night by someone who I will only refer to as "Midget"...you know...to protect her identity...and asked to call some man that I don't know to ask him to send her pictures of her best friend's cheer leading team that he had taken. Yeah...I didn't even have to fully wake up before the word, "No" came out of my mouth.
So now would you like to hear my reasoning as to why I have this problem? If you answered, "No, please make this blog post end while I still have my sanity!" you better just stop reading now cause I'm not listening to you, Erica. Well here it is...I'm too good of a person. That's right...I care TOO much. I know that when people reject me I don't feel good so rather than have anyone else feel that way I just agree to whatever they ask me to do. Yep, I know what yall are thinking...I must rock that question at interviews when they ask me my greatest weakness. I usually like to round it off by quoting Ether 12:27 to them. #BOManswersquestions
Oh! I just put together how I can make those lyrics apply to this post! You will always be my boo....because I will never be able to breakup with you! Anndddd....nailed it.
On a real note I really do want to be able to say, "Yes!" to more service opportunities...so if you (and I realize that when I say 'you' I'm only talking to about 10 people...so yeah this announcement isn't all that amazingly self-less) need someone to help you with something or you are feeling kind of down please call me and I will be GLAD for the opportunity to help. (And if I'm having a bad day or am in a bad mood and happen to forget about this goal just remind me that this is a 'service opportunity' and I will humble up (down?) pretty quickly. Promise)
Well to all my faithful readers out there (hey mom!) I bid you goodnight. Or good afternoon or good morning...depending on what time you're reading this.
PS Before you even go there I am aware that my spelling and grammar only worsened during the mission...so lets just all pretend we don't notice it okay? It will make everyone happier...promise.
