Big City Life

I wrote these two paragraphs back at the end of July...

Okay maybe this title is slightly misleading seeing that I've never actually been in downtown Portland and never plan to be...but you know me...always frontin. Anyways Oregon is being very good to me. Well actually I guess I should say Mel and Kip have been very good to me and Oregon doesn't really care about me in the slightest.

Midge and I have been living in Mel and Kip's house for the past month waiting for a basement to become available to us. I came out here knowing I would be working as a nanny part time. While I was searching for another part-time job one of Kips assistants gave her two weeks so I now work in his office. Mel motivates me to be healthy and workout. Occasionally I get to go to VillaSport with her. Pretty much I owe M and K my life. Which M reminds me each night as I'm trying to fall asleep. K was saying that it's pretty unique that I literally spend all my time with my bosses...it is definitely unique, but not bad!

Haha good stuff. Some things have changed...some things have not. I no longer sleep next to Midge on a camp mat on the floor of M and K's play room, I'm not playing Nanny Emy, and Mel no longer motivates me to be healthy. Haha I kid, I kid...sort of. However, Mel and Kip do still own me. Kip is my boss from 8:45-1 and 3-6 every day of the week and then Mel is my boss from 1-3 and 6-7. You see Mel got me a part time job at Insidetrack! So when I'm not Kip's receptionist I'm moonlighting at a flux member of Insidetrack. Basically I call people who initially showed interest in attending online classes, but we haven't heard from them since. It's very...stimulating.

Another thing that has changed since I wrote those paragraphs is that I actually did go to downtown Portland! For my job at ITK they wanted me to come into the office and do an unnecessary training. So the last Friday before I started full time at Kip's clinic I rode the MAX into Downtown Portland to go to my work office in the World Trade Center. Let's just say I felt pretty legit. I mean, no, I wouldn't want to do that everyday, but once in a blue moon it's sort of exciting. The office is beautiful and has an AWESOME view. Mel kept on telling me I needed to get a picture to put on snapchat...however I totally forgot until I was already headed home. :( So this is the only evidence I have of my time downtown...

As for my life outside of work it can pretty much be summed up by this gif:

I kid, I kid. Mel does a pretty good job of getting me invited to her friend's houses, and you know who needs friends when you have two adorable nephews?? I have met some nice people in my ward, but I think it's just hard for me to shoot for lasting relationships when I know my time here is very temporary. I'm trying to be better and have made an effort to be more involved in my ward recently, but still...

I am getting better at maintaining long distance relationships! I don't just mean with Ben...although we are basically pros at long distance now...

I've been better about keeping in touch with friends in Provo as well as some family members. Okay I'm not perfect, but I'm working on it! Facetime and skype man. That's my life now. Seriously. Sunday or Saturday I am pretty much always up to nothing...so feel free to call :)

Also did I mention Midge abandoned me?

I've never related to Patrick so much in my life...

I was going to end this post there, but since it's Sunday I'll leave you with a thought that has been helping me calm certain worries or concerns recently:

"We should always remember that mortal life, glorious as it is, was never the ultimate objective of God's plan. Life and death here on planet Earth were merely means to an end- not the end for which we were sent." -Elder Nelson #thistoshallpass

Blessings

So Close

Emilye Jack. Has a nice ring to it don't you think? (I didn't ask you Midge) Me too.

I've been told...a few times...that I'm not the most articulate when it comes to communicating my feelings. Therefore, I decided to write this blog post in an effort to help yall understand how I made the journey from boys are scary to wearing an engagement ring on my finger.

Ben had his work cut out for him; as demonstrated by this unedited journal entry from the first time he asked me out. I wasn't exactly keen on dating at the time.

October 13, 2014

Then just to end the night on a horrendous note Missy gets a call from Rob...I'm telling her that she has to answer and she can't just ignore it...well I should've just kept my dang mouth shut!!!! Cause guess what...he is asking her to go on a double date...with me and some other dude!! AHHHH!! WHY DO I HATE DATING SO MUCH!!??

See dating was NOT in the plans for me. I was going to move to Washington with Midge the following summer and then start PT school once I had residency. I could maybe meet someone out in Washington...but a guy wasn't really my first priority. I had debts to accrue!

Knowing that I went into the date with that attitude you probably figured it wasn't exactly love at first sight. I was determined not to like him, but I did really enjoy being with him and decided he would be a really cool guy to hang out with again. (Yes, yes I know those evil words...hang out...I'm sorry! That's all I'd ever known!) I didn't actually write in my journal about our first date (lame I know), but I remember laughing a lot and having a pretty good time. Ask me about the spider-goat joke he made sometime...it's hilarious. In the days that passed I saw Ben at church, ward prayer, and pretty much any church activity. The more I saw/interacted with him the more he made me laugh and I started to really enjoy his company until this happened:

November 23, 2014

So....I like this guy. His name is Ben Jack.

Scary right? The night I told Missy (who had been pulling for him the whole time) she screamed for joy. So now that I liked Ben I immediately decided he didn't actually like me and that the one date was a favor for Rob so he could ask Missy out again. Yep...that's how my mind works. Luckily, soon after I decided that I didn't have hope he called and asked me on a second date. While that didn't calm all my fears it did help to know he could possibly actually be interested.

So the next few months were spent analyzing and over analyzing every interaction I had with Ben to decide if he really was interested in me. Every Thursday (with an occasional Tuesday thrown in there) was spent down at the parents house telling stories of every single event or interaction I had with good old Benjamin during the week. By the time we were dating every aide that frequented our home knew all the details of our relationship. Some requested I bring him by during their shift so they could meet him. By February (okay if I'm being honest by December) I was pretty ready for things to progress:

February 3, 2015

Monday night Benjamin texted me and said I should ditch work to go to the devo with him. Can we just be a couple already?? Like honestly. 

Ben says that "by this point the only reason I hadn't initiated a dtr was cause I had no idea how a fella was supposed to bring that up un-awkwardly," which is understandable.  I had told myself like 10 times at this point that I was going to say something to start a dtr, but the words never quite made it out of my mouth. 

Don't be fooled by my happy demeanor...I was DYING to dtr with Ben this night, but nothing happened. 
I was just slightly grumpy about it. 

By this time everyone around us had decided that we needed to get together and made sure to do their best to encourage me not to lose hope. Missy was constantly telling me that Ben and I just needed to talk. James and Ty were dropping hints to Ben that I was a really cool girl... basically everyone was doing their best to make sure Ben and Emilye became a thing. And guess what??? It totally worked! #thanksguys

February 7, 2015

So...I have a boyfriend now. Okay well I'm not actually sure if he's my boyfriend. We didn't really clarify what we call each other. I just know that we are officially dating and it's exclusive. Sooo yeah. You see?? All my BILLION journal entries about Ben were not in vain! Something actually happened! So want to hear the story?? Okay fine I'll tell you. So Friday we were going on a date. And it was like a dinner date...which...we never do. He asked me where I wanted to go and I decided we were going to get tacos at MexSal cause that place is bomb. So it was a really fun time at the restaurant. We talked about the mission, soccer, and a million other random things. I got him to leave the restaurant by promising him that we could watch soccer at my place. When we got there we got distracted and he suggested that we watch Signs. I had told him earlier that that is the one "scary" movie I will watch. I said I'd be down for that so I pulled up the movie. Well okay...so I don't actually have the movie so I just went on Amazon and rented it for $4. Best $4 I've ever spent. Like really though. You know the best part of knowing the movie that you're watching on a date is that you can plan your reactions to certain parts. So it got to the part in the movie when the alien is trapped in the pantry. I told him this part really freaks me out...so he grabbed my hand and said I'll protect you. We held hands the rest of the movie. Afterwords we kept holding hands and I kind of laid my head on his shoulder...which was honestly super uncomfortable for a while (my head was at like a right angle) but I rearranged after a few minutes and it was better. So we were sitting there talking about Missy and Reid and whether or not they were dating. And then Ben asks...so are WE dating? And if we're not could we be? I just kind of laughed and said I wouldn't be opposed to that. (Missy chastised me so much for that one...haha what?? We've been over this! I don't express myself well! Let's get over it people!) He said I wouldn't be opposed to it either. Then we sat there for a second and he asked...should we shake on it? Oh ben. Oh Benny...he really is one of my favorite people ever. So we shook on it. So yeah that's Ben. We're dating. Cause you know. We're grown ups.

Our first pic as a couple. Photo cred: Missy.
My eyes are glowing, the lighting is horrid, and my arm is blurry...but I LOVE this picture

The next 6 months were full of fun, freak outs, and growth...but mostly fun. Most know I'm not super great with new experiences...

'Just think of it as a new experience.'
'I hate new experiences.' 
'Just think of it as ice cream...'

So even though I had been wanting Ben and I to be a fish for a while I still had moments where I was anxious. I just really didn't want to mess things up. Luckily I had/have an awesome support system by my side that I could turn to whenever something made me nervous or I didn't know how to handle a situation. I think the biggest turning point in our relationship was when I started to talk to him about my "freak outs" for lack of a better term. It felt great to know I could talk to him about anything I was worried about and we could get past it.

Found a rose on my windshield. Best. Day. Ever #BushFlowersAreDaBest

During those 6 months I started falling harder and harder for Ben and I started to think about the future. I mean I was moving in July...how could I not think about the future? And posts like this started to appear in my journal:

March 27, 2015

Leaving Ben will be one of the hardest things about this move. I care about him, and if I'm being honest when I think of my future I think about what it would be like to be married to him...it would be an amazing life. Yeah it would be hard...he is going to med school for crying out loud...but it would be wonderful.

Getting Midge's approval was a very important step. He passed with flying colors.
They don't ever try to compete for my love.  

May 5, 2015

Ben needed to know if I was in or out. Well...what was the answer?? I kept asking myself am I ready to make this sort of a commitment?? Can I tell Ben I see us getting married in the future? I didn’t feel like God was going to tell me yes or no...I felt like God was telling me you do what you want...you could be happy with Ben so you decide if that is what you want. Well, I think we already know the answer to that.

But I found it was a lot easier to daydream and write about marriage in my journal than to actually say I was ready...out loud. I have always been scared of marriage in general and even though by this point I loved Ben a lot I was still scared to make any promises. I've always struggled with commitment peeps.

June 15, 2015

Then the conversation turned to what I was thinking about marriage. By this time Ben had already said he knows he wants to marry me. It was really hard for me to articulate what I’m feeling. I tried to help him believe me when I say I want to marry him without really promising anything. That turned out to be an impossible task. There is something (fear) holding me back from saying yes I’m 100% going to marry you and that makes him nervous what with my impending move to Washington.  

June 30, 2015

I just know that at this point I can't imagine a better guy for me than Ben. I want to marry him. If I did it wouldn't be until next June. June 3rd. That would give me time to feel prepared for marriage. With that said I’m really happy with the place that Ben and I are at… we are so comfortable with each other but it never gets boring. We are comfortable enough to do new things and be ourselves. I love it.

Visiting the Payson temple. This was basically a trial run.
I knew I wanted to get married in this temple so I wanted to try it out with Benny Boy. 
Once again he passed with flying colors.   

Eventually I turned to the Lord for help in getting over my "issues" as Mel so kindly classifies them. I went to the temple, read talks, asked for a father's blessing, prayed some more, and slowly but surely (really without me even realizing it) the idea of marriage started sounding more and more hopeful. I am still very aware of the fact that marriage isn't easy (the book I'm currently reading Living a Covenant Marriage makes that abundantly clear), but Ben is who I want by my side during all the trials, heartache, happiness, and joy.

If I'm being honest it was this confirmation from Facebook that REALLY solidified my choice.
In case you were wondering Ben got my name too...on the 5th try. 

July 14th

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I miss him so much. I just want to marry him right now. Like if he showed up right now and was like hey lets go to the temple I’d totally be down… If that was how it worked that is. 

What started as a paralyzing fear of marriage and commitment eventually shrunk into a slight apprehension of those two things. Then one day as I was driving around Beaverton I thought...you know in my head I'm already engaged to Ben. I know I want to marry him. I'm not looking for anything else. I've made my choice and I'm so happy with it...so why don't we just make it official. Initially I had wanted to wait until 2016 to get engaged because I knew people would think it was weird if we were engaged for almost a year, but in that same drive I decided something very important...I don't care what other people think. Like I value advice and council from my loved ones, but I don't really mind if my random Facebook friends don't agree with the way we do things. As long as Ben's okay with my craziness then everything's chill. The next day Midge and I went ring shopping. :) I had decided I wanted an opal ring instead of diamond and the look I wanted wasn't really found in a fancy ring store. So I looked up antique jewelry places in Beaverton and off we went. On our way to the third store we saw a pawn shop and decided to stop there and see if we could find anything. Jackpot!! We walked in and I tried on three rings. When I put that third ring on my finger I knew that was it. I didn't want to look anymore. This ring was perfect. Midge and I couldn't stop talking about how 'me' this ring was. So that night I skyped Ben like always. We had talked about the possibility of me buying my own ring out here in Oregon before, but it had kind of been a joke at the time. I asked him what he'd think if I really did buy myself a ring tomorrow. I believe his response was something about as long as he gets to marry me he doesn't really mind and maybe we could go ring shopping together a few years down the road. So basically he gave me the okay with one caveat. I was only allowed to get that ring if it would make me happy and was really what I wanted to do. It was. It was most certainly exactly what I wanted to do. So the next day Midge and I went back to the pawn shop (btw can I just add that I love pawn shops. I felt so uncomfortable in the fancy ring shop, but the pawn...I was like my homies!!!) and I bought the ring and officially declared we were engaged.

Sorry...I couldn't resist

I said YES!!

See...He is so chill! I love him :)

 The running joke is that I proposed to myself. :) I promise I'm not browbeating Ben into this...he wants to get married too! I'll prove it...

He proposed to himself too! We are so good together. 

So yeah...I guess you could say we aren't doing this in the typical way...but I'm am totally fine with that! I don't want a huge ridiculous proposal story...all I want is Ben. And that ring on my finger says I have him. 

Ben and I will be getting married June 3rd, 2016. It's a long engagement by our culture's standards, but I'm not worried. Ben and I can handle it. 

So there you have it folks. I am SO excited to marry Ben. He is the most selfless, caring, and understanding guy I've ever met. Also he's super humble because whenever I tell him this he tries to refute it. We see the world in a very similar way most of the time, but even when our views differ slightly he is super easy to talk to. He is also SUPER smart and very wise; I really value his opinion. Basically, other than the fact that he likes Nacho Libre, he is the perfect man. (You may think that Nacho Libre thing is a joke, but it was a legit stumbling block. Quoting Nacho was almost a deal breaker.) I am very grateful that God placed him in my life. I love him SO much! So here's hoping the next 305 days go by quickly! 

Also it doesn't hurt that he's SUPER handsome :) #WhoIsTheGrumpiest

Blessings

PS I couldn't go this whole post without giving Missy a shout-out. I've been trying to find a place for it this whole time. I'm also sooooooo grateful that God put Missy in my life so that once I had Ben I didn't lose him. Missy talked me off so many ledges. Missy helped me realize that the things I was thinking or feeling weren't crazy. She just pretty much taught me how to be in a relationship and I'm forever grateful for that. I always knew that whatever milestone we hit Missy would be WAY excited for us. She was more excited about my love life than hers at times. :) Actually most of the time...

Wedda wedda best.

You've Done Nothing at All to Make Me Love You Less...So Come Back When You Can

I've been living in Oregon for a little over 2 weeks now. I've had to make tough decisions before, but this one was different. The title of this post comes from one of my favorite songs and really hits the nail on the head. There was nothing about my life or the people in it that would make me want to move to an entirely different place and pretty much start over. People looking in on my life from the outside would say there was no reason to leave the good job, great friends, awesome boyfriend/fiance, and wonderful family I have in Utah. And yet, that's exactly what I'm doing. 

This begs the question of why? Why am I doing something that appears so illogical? Well...let's see if I can answer those questions over the course of this blog post. Please fasten your seat belts and get ready for this emotional roller coaster. 

Every one of my friends

First off...know that this decision wasn't made flippantly or spontaneously. Lots of thought and prayer went into this choice. My decision was made once I took it to the Lord and felt like it was right. I continue to pray and make sure that I'm where I need to be. I have faith that God knows something I don't. He knows why I'm here and I will trust in his will and timing.

Secondly...I graduated BYU. I know that doesn't always translate to moving out of Provo for everyone, but for me I felt like I needed to move somewhere else where I could #sharegoodness ya know? Let my light so shine if you will. Basically I was ready to say peace out Provo.

Lastly... It's an adventure!

If there was any time in my life that I could go and move to a random city with my sister...this is it. Midge and I have never done anything like this together before. People kept asking me if this was going to ruin our relationship... not gonna happen. If anything it'll just prove to our haters how we really can get through anything together. (Although Hulk Emilye has come out once or twice the past two weeks...) But pretty soon my life is going to have more responsibilities and I won't be able to do something like this again. And while MY idea of a good adventure is more like trying a new flavor of ice cream instead of moving to a new state...it's good to grow right? And let me tell you...I'm growing. God is definitely using this time to teach me some valuable character traits. Like patience, patience, and more patience. 

Anyrate...switching gears a little bit...a while ago I was watching Tarzan with James, Parker, Ty and Matt. One of the lines from that movie had us cracking up, and I really feel like it applies to my life really well.  Turk is going off about how she doesn't care about Tarzan anymore because he left them and how she doesn't need him and it's fine whatever and then Tantar grabs her and says, "I am sick of you and your emotional constipation!" Now I know...I usually don't enjoy potty humor (I also don't enjoy the word potty), and yes, simply saying the word constipation DOES make that potty humor. (Ugh...there's that word again. I'm very uncomfortable right now.) BUT, it just speaks to me! If anyone is emotionally constipated it is me! I feel like what started out as such a touching blog post has really taken a turn... Midge and I talked about this the other day... some people feel fine crying on someone's shoulder... I am not one of those people. The point of me telling you all this (I promise there is a point) is so you don't feel bad if when I said goodbye to you it looked a little like this:

On the inside I felt like this:

And this...

I think the only thing that gives me the strength to do this is the fact that...like the song suggests...I can comeback! I don't have to leave for forever. Even if I don't live in Utah for the rest of my life I will OF COURSE come back to visit! If the people I love and miss so dearly just stay put I know I can come back and you will still love me all the same! (Except for maybe that awesome boyfriend/fiance I mentioned earlier...he may hate me forever because I left him...just kidding! I hope.)

Well this blog post was a little wonky because it was supposed to be a goodbye post, but I didn't finish it so it turned into an I'm-already-gone post. I hope that you all know I love you so much! I love you all for your support and your understanding even if you didn't really get why I felt I needed to move. I assure you I am were the Lord wants me to be for right now and while there are definitely things I miss about my old situation I'm really starting to enjoy this new one. Yes it's a little cramped in our current living situation, but Mel, Midge, and I are having a fun time...and Kip is putting up with us. Mostly. I'm enjoying playing Nanny Emy again. Mostly. I'm enjoying getting on a better sleep schedule. I'm enjoying Skype sessions with Ben, Ana, Mom, Dad, and anyone else who wants to Skype me! (Hint hint) All's good. All's good.

Mosiah 2:41 

And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold outfaithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it.

Blessings.

My family, my family, reminds me of a bagel.

People, people...calm it down! I know. You're all really upset that I've abandoned my blog and haven't updated you on my life in forever. I apologize. I should be more considerate of your feelings. I know reading my blog is the highlight of your month. I will try to be better. There. Are we all okay? No hard feelings? Alright...then we can move right along.

Wow. My last post was about Christmas. A LOT has changed since Christmas. The biggest change probably being...well you know...how I now have a...I mean I'm...it's my first...I started...using liquid eyeliner. Woo. I'm glad I got that out. ;)

So this last weekend and the weekend prior I had the chance of watching 5 WONDERFUL session of General Conference. Conference is the BEST! It's hours and hours of spiritual uplifting and answers to questions you've been pondering the last few weeks. I love it. This conference the topic of family and marriage seemed to be mentioned a thousand times. Which resulted in a ridiculous amount of people telling me they were engaged in the following days. While the talks didn't cause ME to hear wedding bells (because I'm not INSANE) they did give me an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the family I do have.

SO. In the spirit of gratitude I decided to write a blog post explaining why having a big, loud, crazy family is the BEST.

The title of this post is actually a great example of the point I want to make in this post. SO many inside jokes. From Moroni talking about the thousands of car cases spread across the land to reciting in unison "We're all Pelley's here!"...dinner at our house can be confusing unless you learn to tune out the crazy.

Sooo many hand me downs. This can be good and bad...no Emy I PROMISE overalls are totally still in! Everyone will be totally jealous of your awesome skort! Shoulder pads are ALL anyone is wearing nowadays. Lies. All lies.

Kids without having kids. I love my little nieces and nephews SO much...and the fact that I get them without having to go through that whole childbirth thing makes them that much better. I can play with them all I want, but when I'm tired I just pass them back to the parents and go and take a nap.

Trial and error. Without the trial part. I never had to bleach my hair, dye my bangs with Kool-Aid, or come off a plane wearing a sombrero to know it would be a mistake. I watched and I learned.

There is always someone you can talk to...no matter the life situation I can pretty much guarantee one of my family members has already been through a similar situation.

Big enough team for family feud! Who wants that random second cousin on your team??

Protective older brothers. I know if I ever need to have someone beat up I have 4 older brothers that would help me out. 

Always someone else to blame.
Midge: Who moved my stuff??!! Me: Midge you know I respect your belongings...but you know Rich was over earlier and I saw him just throwing all your things on the ground. When I pleaded with him to respect you he started spitting on your backpack...so I thought it best to just let it go.
Mel: Get OFF MY DOOR. Me: I didn't touch your door...Matt however was just boasting about how he could do anything he wanted and you couldn't touch him...so he sounds like a prime suspect!
Dad: who finished my cookies!? Me: Oh...jeez dad I'm pretty sure when I pulled up I saw Ana running out of the house waving Oreos in the air and screaming, "Danny I got them!" So...one can only assume...
Mom: Wow! Who cleaned out the dishwasher!? Me: It was Ana! Wait...

This brings up an excellent point...being at the end of a big family also has the benefit that your parents brains are basically mush by the time they get to you. So dad would totally believe that crazy story. You're probably thinking...Em you realize Dad reads your blog right? The answer is yes. But you weren't paying attention...remember my parents are old now. He might be mad now but he'll forget all of this by the time I come home.

Just kidding pops! Everyone knows you're still sharp as a tack! I mean look at you in your uniform. Still killing it.

Their friends. Older brothers meant older brother friends hung out at our house which meant plenty of boys to crush on. Unfortunately, I found the transition from best friends little sister to potential future wife is harder than one would think.  

In-laws. My family is constantly growing and changing. I love seeing the size of our family table(s) grow and grow as my siblings marry wonderful people. They also occasionally give you a chance to go to Mexico in December.

You get text messages like this:

That pose though. On fleek.

Never feel like a failure. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you fall down and it seems impossible to pick yourself up. Sometimes you're planning to move to another state where you don't have a job or a living situation and you're afraid that you will end up living on the streets. But no matter how alone or scared you may feel you know for sure that at least 9 people love you. And sometimes that's all you need. (Plus at least one of those 9 people has offered us a spot in her backyard to campout if all else fails #blessed)

My favorite family picture to date.