Tell Me I'm A Screwed Up Mess

Well I think for a refreshing change I'm gonna start this blog with some actual valid information about my life! I have just finished my last final for at least 2 years! I won't have to worry about classes or school for about 20 months. That's CRAZY!! I'm a little worried that this free time will now allow me to have more time to worry about my mission, but hopefully I'll stay busy and continue to get more and more excited about serving! The fact that I'm done with school has actually yet to hit me. I keep getting it in small bursts (I'M DONE!) of energy. See there was one right there. They're just little moments where I realize that I'm done with my marathon of a school year. (Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...no that isn't a little ditty to help you remember the seasons that's the semesters I was in school this last year) Maybe I should've put off writing this blog until my brain had fully recovered from what I asked of it this past week, but I'm a Messerly. I press right on through the tired and into the crazy. (That last phrase is an example of why my brain shouldn't be trying to do the words into sentence becoming thing)

At this point I kind of feel like the fish at the end of Finding Nemo...now what? Well I guess I know what, but I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going get from this point right now to the point where I walk into that MTC. How am I going to get ready for that spiritually? How will I get ready to say goodbye to the people I love so much that as I'm writing this sentence I'm tearing up? How will I get ready for the physical changes? How will I get ready to only have two pairs of shoes to choose from? (Always have to end on a funny note, right?) I don't know. We'll see. These next 27 days will answer all of those questions and once I'm in the MTC...more questions will come. That's life. One of my favorite lessons from my Book of Mormon class this semester was that the Book of Mormon is a book with thousands of questions and one answer. The Savior.

Man it got real up in that paragraph. On to things that are more fun (or funner if you're not Brittanye). At the end of the school semester I like to try and discover things that I've learned the past 4 months. Not the things in the curriculum (that would be quite the list) but the things that are a little more applicable to the real world. The extra things this wonderful University has left me with.

• The sexier your teacher is the more likely you are to come to class. Even if class is pointless.
• You will never actually have a chance with said teacher...but it's fun to look at him.
• The university is very clear students shouldn't date their TA's but I've yet to hear a rule about dating teachers. 
• It is possible for a classroom of 100 people to all zone out at the same time.
• Doing this during class: 

• ...doesn't effect the amount you're learning from class at all. 
• Eliminating your Vitamin Water budget (cause Mom buys them now) saves quite a bit of money.
• Going to a class that isn't your own is actually really fun! Mainly because you know you won't be accountable for anything that is said there! (I guess unless it's a religion class, but in that case you're accountable in an entirely different way. Nevermind.(what the crap blogger! Nevermind is so a word! Right?? (also one of my biggest pet peeves is when people forget to close their parenthesis))) (See. I closed every one.
• It is possible to doodle about One Direction for 2 hrs. 
• I will go to a class, knowing that I'm not going to pay any attention, just because it's an excuse to doodle.
• Having a friend in class with you is great! You can study and complain together.
• Having a friend in class with you is awful! Going to lunch together at Zupas always sounds like a better option than going to class.
• Showing up for a final 30 minutes late is the best way to ensure you don't second guess yourself on any questions.
• Only at BYU would the teacher be totally fine knowing that you had to get your test out of the folder that happened to have the answer key laying on top of it because you showed up 30 minutes late and he wasn't in the room.
• Pregnant teachers can disappear at any moment. When they reappear they seem much more tired.
• Being slightly happy that your teacher was hit by a car and has to now undergo physical therapy doesn't appear to give you bad karma. Unless it's time-release karma...or something.
• I've committed sexual harassment at work.
• Ethics at BYU turns into a Sunday School class.
• There are 5 year-olds that can sing better than you. Two of them are my Book of Mormon teacher's children.
• Some people don't read back over their papers. Somewhere English teachers are rolling in their graves.
• I'm actually not that jealous of people who are graduating anymore. I love BYU.
• No college student should have access to a DVR unless they have the self-control of someone who used dial-up internet without having the urge to throw their computer across the room. 
• Having a mission call is by far the best line to pull when you don't want to pursue a relationship with someone. It's even better when you don't have to lie about it. 
• Being passed by 60 year old men while going up the RB stairs isn't anything to be ashamed of. You have lots of heavy books in your backpack!
• I have apparently become that person who always takes over the group project and does way too much. 
• Google Docs allows you to completely change group presentations and papers without having to confront any of your group members about the changes in person. 
• Not every person knows how to speak "sarcasm." Those people are very dangerous. They also leave every conversation with me very confused. 
• I've been awarded "most sarcastic girl I've ever met" by about 8 people this year.
• It's actually quite easy for me to fall asleep while Brittanye is laying on top of me.
• Sometimes the pretty guy is also so, so dumb. 
• Your opinions of people can change. (I'm not talking about the guy above though...seriously I felt like a was talking to a 16 year old.)
• Whenever anyone asks me where we should go to lunch the one and only thing I think is Zupas.
• It's inevitable that once you get to the computer lab, sit down, and have your headphones in you'll realize you have to go to the bathroom.
• I love that my family lives in Springville!! Living at home while still being able to hang out with my wonderful friends has made this semester extra awesome and the perfect preparation for my mission!

Yeah, yeah I know. This blog wasn't that spazy or funny. But it was a little spazy and funny right?? Right?? I need validation people! But if I've learned anything from my favorite blogger EVER it's that between hilarious blog posts you can get real sometimes. That blogger is Eli...I don't actually know him but his blog is HILARIOUS! Seriously if you think I'm even kind of funny read his blog and you'll realize I have a long way to go before I can emulate my hero. His blog is itjustgetsstranger.blogspot.com. Mom and Dad...not sure you'd be able to handle his humor because it's even more spaztic than mine :)

Blessings

So say hello to falsetto in 3...2...

*WARNING* Don't scroll too quickly through this post because it will ruin part of the fun. Just take it a few lines at a time.

Hello my babies. Before I begin I would just like to ask if you sometimes find yourself thinking, "Wow, Emilye has way too many blogs. I don't know if I can handle reading that craziness so often!" If you do, first of all...I want a name. No one should feel that way about my blog! But...we all have imperfections so if that thought ever does come up just remember that I'm trying to fill all of your canteens with enough Emilye to last during my 18 month absence. I bet you're feeling REAL bad about being annoyed by my blog now aren't you? Crying yet? As expected. Welp. Onwards and Upwards.

VENTILATION TIME!!
I'm VERY upset with grooveshark right now! (Mom. Dad. That's a website that you go to with the goal of listening to music) I have supported grooveshark all of my days! Or at least all of my days in which I was aware that grooveshark existed. It's a fabulous website that has allowed me to virtually eliminate spending money on music from itunes!

Now before you get all "ethical" on me just know that any guilt I felt for listening to music online in most likely a less-than-legal way went out the door when itunes decided it was good enough to raise song prices from .99 to 1.29! That was the day the music (at least from itunes) died.

TANGENT WHILE VENTING!

Itunes doubly pissed me off when they started advertising "Watch your clocks! Nov 16th at 12:01 am the world of music will never be the same!!!! Something will happen that day that will make you question whether the world you were previously living in was really worth living in!!!!!! World peace can take a back seat to the goal we've just accomplished!!!!!!!! APOCALYPSE NOW BABY!!"  (I swear that's verbatim what it said. Plus or minus a few exclamation points.) Now let me just further explain that this happened the semester I was living with Mel and Kip, so I had very little in my life. Minus your adorable, loving child of course Mellie! So I was very excited to find out what itunes was doing! (I'll admit in the back of my mind I thought free music for all!) When I got up that morning I excitedly went to my high quality laptop only to find the exciting news was... the Beatles albums were now available on itunes. My response: who the heck cares?! My fill of Beatles comes from Across the Universe and only from AtU. I was actually kind of surprised they hadn't already had their music.

Well enough about me. What was I saying? Oh right I was telling you how I've been betrayed by grooveshark. During the whole Spotify fad (which, at least for me, was over before it started) I defended grooveshark to everyone simply because it didn't have annoying women telling you how "piracy is so out" after every few songs. No adds. That was grooveshark's saving grace. What did I find yesterday when I signed into grooveshark? Something asking me for $4 to avoid any adds for a month! Who do you think you are grooveshark? Itunes? I, of course, selected the free option that had one initial ad and then no ads until 4 hours of listening. Now I haven't hit 4 hrs of continuous listening yet (mainly because when I'm told I have a limited allotment of something I ration it like I'm trapped in the middle of a desert and it's my last 5 oz of water), but I still have to suffer through the initial first 15 seconds of some commercial thing. (Granted one of their ads was a music video that was actually an awesome song that I now love, but that is besides the point!) Is it too much to ask for unlimited access to all my favorite music for absolutely free?! I'm not an unreasonable person! I'm simply a person who doesn't remember the days when you only had the option of buying an entire album or no album at all. (Always no bunny at all!)

Alright. Venting done. Now on to the purpose of this post. I was chatting the other day with my dear friend Alison Megan Adams Tensmeyer (all four names needed). Well between complimenting my blog by saying things like it's "hilarious, to die for, legendary," (true story) AMAT gave me a fun suggestion. She said that I should start doing some of the segments Ellen does on her show. Well obviously I LOVED that idea so I started to jot (that's a weird word) down some of the segments I remembered and looked up some others I'd never seen. Some of their titles are 'What's Wrong with these photo's?' Photos, Clumbsie Thumbsie, Bad Paid-for Photos, Bad Paid-for Tattoos, Dance Dares, Oh Hair No!, Funny Web Videos, and my personal favorite segment What's on Cee-lo's lap?

Well obviously some of those things will take more time and effort than others so I thought I'd start off small with my own version of "What's on Cee-lo's lap?" First off, here is a clip of what the segment is like on the show: 

Hilarious right? So I decided we would play a slightly different version of that game called, "What has Emilye photo-shopped into random pictures of her family?" And by photo-shop I, of course, mean simply pasted into the photo on paint because I don't have the time or capability to make it actually look good, so why try? But I thought that would've made the title a bit long. Okay now is when you have to be careful not to scroll too rapidly or you will see the next picture before you have time to guess! Which would be the end of the world.

For the first picture we'll start off easy...What has caused Brittanye to scream and freakout?

That would be One Direction!!! (I just couldn't not include them in this game)


Next...what is Elise trying to see down Solana's shirt?

A cactus!! Anyone? Did anyone guess cactus?


Now we have...what is Mel looking at in such a judgy way?

A Jack-o-lantern! Which makes sense. It was Thanksgiving time.


What is Brittanye creepily caressing?

Mrs. Potts! If anyone got that one I will give them money. I tried to reach into the most random crevices of my brain for that one.

I think we have time for one more...what is Elijah about to snog? (For people who don't speak British that means kiss)

A kangaroo! Which can be dangerous.
 
Well there you have it! I hope you enjoyed that game and hopefully there will be more to come. I'm currently working on collecting some good "Clumbsie Thumbsie" material...so get excited! (On an unrelated note if you guys have any funny texts that involve your phone auto-correcting something you were typing into something completely different feel free to share them with me)  I'm always amazed by the amount of things I can find to say when I start my blog, thinking it will be short and simple. I guess you could say I have the gift of gab. If you were a 60 yr old women. Until next time...goodnight and goodluck. (I know goodluck is two words, but that would've ruined the symmetry)
Blessings.

Ding-a-ling-a-din-din-ringing bang-hit-hit-dindindindin

(I promised myself my titles would always come from songs, but I haven't been listening to music with lyrics in it lately. So there's that.) 

Poem to the Girl Sitting Next to Me

Welcome, fellow student
To my favorite computer lab.
It's the one lab, I'm certain, has never been full.
Plenty of room all around
In the front or the back,
If you prefer the side computers even those are all free!
Oh.
You seem to like the computer right next to me.
That's okay I can deal. I'm not completely...
What's that binder doing?
It's inching toward my space.
And it touched me.
There was contact.
That is too close Missy!
20 computers surround us and you have to be in my bubble.
Two open on this very same row,
Just head a few feet east.
Do I know you?
I have to know you for you to feel comfortable doing this.
Your chair is turned toward me like you are ready to chat.
I don't dare make eye contact in case you're one of those friendly people.
I no longer have a mouse pad.
It has been swallow by that which may be,
The largest binder I ever have seen.
I'm afraid to use my mouse because it's so close to her things
This isn't right! I just want some peace.
Oh you have a question for the TA?
I'm so glad you asked...you see I needed someone hovering over me too.
Phew.
She only had a few things to do.
Ten minutes of uncomfortableness I can deal with.

If anything I hope this poem made you laugh, cry, reevaluate your life, and question the next time you're about to sit next to someone in an almost empty room! I hope it also made it obvious to you that I don't talk to people I don't know. Especially on BYU campus, way too many dangerous "friendly" people. They'll capture you in a conversation in a SECOND! (Britt I hope you said that like Liam says "He'll bury you in a second!")

Sidenote (or as Nat would say sidebar) I should really make a pact with myself to only listen to Explosions in the Sky, This Will Kill You, or George Winston while I'm doing homework. The last few days my mind has been a scary land of constant distractions. I seriously couldn't concentrate for more than 3 minutes last night. It took 20 minutes just to write a 250 word journal. Today while listening to these instrumental artists I've been completely productive for the last 2 hrs! (Which is why I let myself take a break to right this RIDICULOUS poem) Emphasis on...

Blessings

Show Me Ya Teeth...or cough drop

I promise this one will be short, but I just thought this was funny. So as I mentioned in my previous post I was sick last week. It's not the sickest I've ever been, but I didn't really felt like dancing or doing a barn raising. (Or basically anything you may see in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.) Well last Friday I was sitting at work sucking on a Halls Fruit Breezer (do you think I'll get anything for that product placement?) and then I bit into it. All of a sudden I was sure one of my teeth had broken off and I was now sucking on it. Not just a piece of one mind you, but an entire canine. So I quickly did a tongue count to find that none of my teeth seemed to be missing. But what I was sucking on felt SO much like a tooth. So I took it out of my mouth and looked at it. It was a bright red Hall. I put it back in my mouth and continued to suck on it, but it felt SO MUCH like a tooth. The logical part of me told myself I had already confirmed via my gift of sight that I wasn't sucking on a tooth, but the groggy, sickly part of my mind told me it felt SOOO MUCH like a tooth. I don't know if you guys are grasping how much it felt like a tooth. SO MUCH. The only way to convince myself wholeheartedly that it wasn't my tooth was to just bite down and swallow. But if it IS your tooth biting it will probably hurt your other teeth! Well it ISN'T my tooth so that doesn't matter. So I crunch and swallowed it. I have yet to find a spot in my mouth where a tooth is missing so...here's hoping!
Blessings.

If you like me. Then say you like me!

After thoroughly entertaining myself while writing my last post I was anxiously awaiting something tragic, funny, or humiliating to happen to me so I could write it out. I've been sick the last few days and I thought it would be fun to make a blog post when I'm all hopped up on Tylenol and Ibuprofen. Sadly, the most exciting thing that has happened this week was that Brittanye introduced me to the band One Direction.

**TANGENT TIME**

(You do not even want to know how long it took me to change those letters into different colors. Every time I got to the 'N' I would accidentally select the entire word and have to start all over. Like I said, I've been sick.)

I have noticed that when I find something I love I don't just love it, I obsess over it. The future missionary part of me quotes Alma 38:12 to myself, "Bridle all your passions..." But the obsessive part of me tells the missionary part of me to leave me alone and that no one likes a party pooper. (I'm actually pretty morally opposed to that phrase, but it was the only thing I could come up with. I just think the word poop shouldn't be thrown into normal conversation.) That of course causes the missionary part of me to be offended and tell the obsessive part of me to shove off. Which leads the obsessive part of me to say that saying "shove off" isn't a very "missionary" thing to do, and from there it just gets ugly. Words like damnation, true love, hell, and butt-head start getting thrown around.

ANYways...Do I hear the crowd asking for examples? Examples of my unhealthy pattern of obsession? Well I give the people what they want. (The people being the few members of my family that have made it this far in the post and my two followers. Love ya Allie + Kelli!)

I guess my first example could be My Little Ponies because I have a faint memory of walking around the backyard, crying when it was cancelled. (Picture the scene in Star Trek when Spock is wandering the halls crying about his mom. That's what I looked like.)

**Tangent in a Tangent**
Now that I'm thinking back on those My Little Pony days I have come to the conclusion that MLP (as the cool kids call it) was never actually cancelled! I mean why would they cancel such a fabulous kid show? It must have just moved to a different time, and I didn't know how to check that kind of thing in the TV guide! Wow...all those missed opportunities to watch MLP.

**The Triple Tangent**
Remember when the TV guide was like the most prized possession in your house? Almost more important than the remote! Without it you had to watch the TV guide channel and wait for it to get to the stations you cared about.

One of my first major obsessions was 24. Specifically Tony and Michelle. They were the perfect couple! Solana shared my obsession and together we had a love for these two that was matched by no one. Then tragedy struck. I get a telephone call from Ana. There was an explosion. Michelle was killed instantly and Tony is in critical condition. No words I write will explain how truly pathetic Ana and I were that night. I went over to her apartment and we had our own private wake for them. We were so pathetic. I'm pretty sure I was more devastated by their deaths than I would be for the death of my own kin. I'm kidding. I think.

Back to my current obsessions. These three happened with rapid succession. The first was the movie Warrior. I watched it with Matt and Britt and cried my eyes out!

But don't worry I didn't embarrass myself too bad. I made sure to be fashionable and cry purple tears.

Then the next day I got out of bed and listened to the song that plays in the final scene of Warrior and cried again. Then I watched the final scene on youtube, cried again. From then on it was my mission to make everyone know that Warrior was the best movie ever. (Speaking of which have you guys seen Warrior? It's the best movie ever.) Soon after Warrior it was Ramin Karimloo. If you don't know who he is then I have now officially disowned you. But if you want to get back in my good graces just take this time to educate yourselves. Here is a quick peek at who you have been missing:

He is not only gorgeous but he has a voice that literally memorizes women. As demonstrated by his performance as the Phantom in the 25th anniversary DVD. He is also a phenomenal actor!! Midge and I literally watched the Les Miserable and Phantom 25th anniversary DVDs that he is in three nights in a row. Granted we fast-forwarded to all of the good Ramin moments, but that is still some serious time committed to my obsession. At work I literally spent the entire 4.5 hrs looking up stuff about him and falling deeper into the abyss. (Yeah I know, my work is lucky to have me.) Ramin lasted a while until as I mentioned earlier Britt (let it be known that Midge, Britt, and Brittanye are in fact the same people) introduced me to One Direction. They are the cutest boy band in the world! Zayn, Niall, Louis, Liam, and Harry. Ahh...Harry. They are all roughly 17-20 years old so it's not TOO creepy that I'm in love with every one of them. But the AMOUNT of love for them I have is where it gets creepy. I won't belabor the point by describing how sad I am...but just know it's pretty sad. Here are a few examples of what makes them so adorable:

I warned you that I'm obsessed...

And a few cute moments of my boy Niall:

That may seem like a lot, but that is after Britt and I did serious deep cuts.

Wow. I swear I started this blog with a point, but it turned into a giant tangent. If I had to draw a graph of what this blog post it would look like this:


Impressive right? Well let's see if I can pull a moral out of this one...hmm it's gonna be tricky. Oh, I know! Although I seem to demonstrate schizophrenic behaviors, the diagnosis has never stuck, and I really am trying to work on not being too enamored by movies, tv shows, actors, or boy-bands. Recognition is the first step right? Now if you will excuse me I see that there are new One Direction videos on youtube so my attention is needed elsewhere.

Blessings. (suck it Matt)

My Life Be Like...AHHHHH!

Well judging by how the first few hours of this day have gone I'm guessing this week is gonna suck. So this morning I had to go to the DMV to renew my drivers license, that meant getting up earlier to waste money and time driving up to North Orem. On my way there I realized I had no make-up on, but decided that I didn't care about my classmates or coworkers opinions. Once I arrived at the counter it hit me-I was renewing my license which meant a new picture. A few days ago I was excited about the chance to get rid of my 15 year old face on my license, but in that moment I wanted to run away. Not that I'm an overly vain person, but we all want to look at least presentable when we get our picture taken. My hair looked like I was on my way to the gym (which is some what true because I am going at 7 tonight) and my face was "I just rolled out of bed" fresh. But I wasn't going to prolong this any longer so I sucked it up and smiled for the camera hoping that it wouldn't be that bad. I mean I've had pictures taken of me without make-up before, I don't hide from mirrors in the morning so I told myself it wasn't going to be that bad.

No such luck.

Maybe if I was someone else (Rebecca Bloomwood for instance, maybe Lorelai Gilmore) I would have talked to the woman working with me and begged for mercy, asked her if she had any makeup or hair supplies near by or if it was in her power to keep the old picture. I could've been as inspiring as Enjolras in Les Mis and banned all the women in the DMV together as a sisterhood with one single purpose-to find me some supplies and become recognized as a woman! But I'm Emilye Messerly. The girl who will add 3 minutes to her route to class in order to avoid walking by someone she doesn't want to talk to. The girl who will decide she actually doesn't want to try on any clothes if it requires her to ask someone for assistance. The girl with the dragon tattoo...wait...no that's NOT me. As a result, for the next five years I will have people giving me the double-take when they see that I'm a FEMALE who doesn't weigh over 200 lbs. I have an irrational fear that this license will have a direct correlation with receiving more tickets. I just think it will be hard to flirt my way out of a ticket after the policeman has seen that I can look like that.

It didn't help my mood that I had only become aware that renewing your license costs money (I'm still in an uproar over that one) a few minutes before I had to leave. I don't know why that mattered so much, but the fact that I had not been able to mentally prepare for the government to take $25 away from me made my morning that much worse. (Maybe I will do my taxes this year-suck that government!) It really is amazing the power of the DMV...completely ruin your day in just 10 short minutes. It has caused me to feel real gross this entire day and almost had me thinking about just skipping class, work, and the gym. (Don't worry I talked myself off that ledge.) It doesn't help that I'm wearing pants with a hole at the inner thigh. Of course I knew that hole was there when I put them on, but it didn't start to bother me until I saw that picture of myself.

I don't think that this endeavor would've harshed my mellow so much if it wasn't just the beginning of a very stressful week. Before midnight Tuesday I have to study for and take 3 tests, 1 quiz, write a paper, and complete all my normal readings. I'm aware that I'm acting like a whinny college student, but to quote Shawn Spencer, "I am not acting!" The only bright-side I found in this trip was that it gave me extra time to rock-out to the Les Mis soundtrack in the car.

Well this has been fun guys. Being able to satirically write about my annoying day has actually helped brighten my spirits! Granted, it didn't help the having a million things to do matter, but I'm just subtracting my procrastinating time from my allotted sleep time. Besides, I've heard that there is a new study coming out that you actually perform your best on 2 hrs of sleep...go figure! Well I guess this is just proof of my theory that the amount of fun you have during the weekend is directly proportional to the amount of stress you will feel during the week. Because I had a SUPER fun weekend! I love birthdays :)

This is me loving birthdays

If there is anything that you get from this post it should be this: Emilye is hilarious and you shouldn't worry that she is suicidal; Les Mis solves all problem and Ramin is life. Also that none of you will ever see my new license.

Blessings.